Review: Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)

Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)

Not rated

Score: 3 out of 5

When one hears the words "British zombie comedy", there are typically four words that come to mind: Shaun of the Dead. Edgar Wright's seminal, affectionate 2004 sendup of both zombie movies and contemporary British culture still stands as one of the greatest zombie movies and horror-comedies ever made, a brilliant film that helped establish Wright to worldwide audiences as one of the great geek filmmakers of the 21st century while (together with 28 Days Later and the Dawn of the Dead remake) fueling a revival for the zombie genre. Cockneys vs Zombies is not Shaun of the Dead, even if the inspiration is obvious. It goes for broad farce instead of satire, pitting a mix of London street thugs and elderly pensioners (including some retired gangsters) against a zombie apocalypse, the entire premise summed up with the film's title in a manner not unlike Snakes on a Plane. It's not trying to be smart, witty, or scary, just supremely violent and funny. It's not a movie that people are going to remember as a classic. But, it's one that will probably live on as a cult classic, succeeding on the merits of its lowbrow comedy, low-budget gore, and a very game cast composed of a number of British character and television actors having the time of their lives. It's a dumb movie, but it's one that's smart enough to know how dumb it is, and rather than try to reach for greater meaning or depth, it sets out to hit the easiest jokes the best it can.

The plot barely even needs to be laid out, but if you must: Terry and Andy, a pair of brothers and young crooks, decide to knock over a bank in order to steal money to save their grandfather Ray's retirement home, which is on the verge of being redeveloped to build condos and its occupants kicked out. Working with their cousin Katy, the amateur crook David Cuppence, and the unstable Iraq veteran Mickey, they take the money and hunker down for a standoff with the police... only for a horde of zombies to show up, unleashed by the same construction company eyeing Ray's elder home when they accidentally opened up a 17th-century tomb beneath a construction site. When the police are overrun, Terry and Andy's gang sets out with their money and a pair of hostages named Emma and Clive to reach Ray and his fellow pensioners, who are hunkered down in their retirement home.

The "horror" in this film is basically an afterthought. Never do the characters feel like they are in any real danger, or even act like they're all that scared of the mayhem around them. Scenes of peril serve as comic set pieces first and foremost, while death scenes are played for laughs, yuks, and "hell yeah!" moments. The stories of the two main groups of characters, the criminals and the retirees, feel largely disconnected until the climax. All of it is strictly a vehicle for the film to deliver on the basic premise of its title: what if a bunch of working-class Londoners out of a Guy Ritchie crime caper fought zombies? It's a one-joke premise, but it mines that premise as much as it can, to great effect. We learn what the word for "zombie" is in Cockney rhyming slang, the minor quirk of Mickey having a metal plate in his head from a war injury becomes critical when he gets bitten, zombies are run over with a double-decker bus, the tribal loyalties of football hooligans persist even after they become zombies, and gangster swagger proves surprisingly useful in the midst of a zombie outbreak in so many ways. Save for some jokes about gentrification, there's no real satirical thrust to the comedy here. It is exactly what it says on the tin: Cockneys fighting zombies. And it delivers on exactly what it promises.

Said Cockneys are played by a who's who of recognizable figures for anybody who watches BBC America. There isn't a weak link in the cast; Alan Ford (of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels fame) plays the retired London gangster Ray as somebody who relishes getting to roll up his sleeves and kick people's asses again, Harry Treadaway and Rasmus Hardiker make for likable leads as the heart-of-gold crooks Andy and Terry, Honor Blackman is hilarious as the flirty old lady Doreen, Michelle Ryan gets to do her best "English Michelle Rodriguez" impression as Katy, and even minor characters feel like they're having the time of their lives. The gore looks cheap, with much of it (especially the blood spurts) being obvious CGI, but in a way, it helps with the lighthearted B-movie feel of the film, less a serious zombie movie and more a live-action cartoon in search of ever-more-ridiculous ways to kill zombies. It's not a movie that demands you take it seriously, and in fact, it seems to be working under the impression that taking it seriously is entirely the wrong idea. Instead, it's a film that practically dares you to recognize how stupid it is, and laugh along with it as you groove to its blend of murder and mayhem.

The Bottom Line

A profoundly dumb and breezy movie, Cockneys vs Zombies is hardly the greatest zombie movie out there. But for zombie fans bummed out on The Walking Dead or 28 Days Later who have already watched Shaun of the Dead a hundred times, this movie certainly scratches the itch for a fun zom-com.